Ponderings

Stress is not something take very well on my own. Could it be that my nature is to make others feel better instead of worse about their situations? I'm always willing to lend a hand, but I think it's time for a change. I'm a 27 single mother of a five year old boy.

My life is pretty routine; I get up in the morning, shower, wake my son, dress and head out the door before the daycare van leaves to drop my son off at school. I go straight to work and take the same path due to the chaotic traffic on IH635. One humor I enjoy about this route is those that I see in the morning traveling on IH635 are stuck just like me. I have so many dreams that I don't will ever be met. It's not so much my fault as I keep finding road block in my path.

I want to graduate from college with hopes to find a Career in writing. I've always wanted to be a writer or make my hobby of reading books a career. I know it is possible but where to start is difficult, do I write letters to those in that field or do I search every square inch of the Internet for useful information? Sometimes I feel my life is a book, that with a turn of a page it can either bore you to tears or make you mad from the choices I make that don't satisfy my dreams. Believe me, the frustration is there for me to succeed and leave the corporate world, but as my significant other always says "its easier to find a job when you have a job." So true! It's not impossible to become a writer, I'm doing it now! I know that there will be obstacles preventing me from finishing my quest for completion but I cannot let that stop me.

There are several authors in the world still trying to complete a life worth of written work. Thesis', biographies, and that unfinished idea you saved to a floppy you never thought to start up again. I have ideas, but as always they come to me in the most inopportune times, when I can't write them down because I'm driving or I forget to bring my mini recorder with me to repeat it. Ugh, I will make a change and it will start many good things.

I haven't written anything in months, although I have ideas swarming in my head I feel that if I start them they will never be completed. I have plenty of starts for books and short stories but I feel as though they are something I may have to leave behind and start with a clean slate.

Will I be able to see my words in print one day? I want it so bad my stomach flips with a sense of excitement and nervousness. I watch and read these wonderful stories that people come up with and think to myself "I can do this!". Sometimes I wish I had the life of a vampire, though I will bake in the sun it is a small sacrifice to pay in order to live years to accomplish ALL the dreams I have for myself. The mundane office work is just a side step along my path to what I want for myself.

I am proud of myself for starting on one goal - going to college, though the road will be long but in the end it will be MY accomplishment and another gained level to my dream.

I want to freelance but I can never find a job that I qualify for with my 'green' abilities. The website I go to is a great resource for jobs, but they always seem to much more advance. I know I can handle the challenge but at the same time I work a full time job and can't put in more than 10-20 hours of writing work. I don't want to push myself with longer work times because I start online college course in a couple weeks and to have to keep up with assignments, job and freelancing might be a plate full. Lets not forget that I'm a full time mother.

I think the best thing for me right now is to finish my courses, get good grades and then see where I can go from the finished point. This way I'm not worried about deadlines being met when I can't meet them. It's too bad; I was hoping this would be something I can do on the side, but it will have to take a back seat. No, I'm not giving up just letting the idea store for a while.

Realize

I've lost some of the heat from this mornings conversation. This is what transpired early this morning while trying to get ready for work.

I wake my son after putting my make-up on. He's all cuddly and loving, he requests a blow of Trix' cereal which I comply. After I have him settled at the table with a blow of cereal and cartoons I proceed to get his clothing ready for the day. I tell him that after he is finished with his cereal to get dressed.

Meanwhile my significant other is in the shower.

I get dressed and put product in my hair in order to fix it for the day's work. As I begin I hear my son arguing the cloths I have chosen for him to wear today. There was nothing wrong with them except he did not like the plaid on the shorts. I told him he would wear them or go naked to school with only socks and shoes on. He begin to whine. At this point a thought presents itself 'Pick your battles'; I've been told this statement for years by my mother, other mothers and friends. So I decided to apply it this morning because I didn't want to get mad or upset because it's just not worth it.

I tell him to quit it and to start getting dressed because after I'm done making my lunch for work we are leaving. I begin to blow dry my hair when I start to hear voices and recognize them as my son and S.O.'s. I turn off the blow drier to S.O. arguing with DS to get dressed I go to interrupt them because this is not what I wanted. NO ARGUING! I try to intervine only of have S.O.'s body in my way to stop them both and to pull rank because the battle was between me and my son, not S.O.

I'm not trying to step on toes only state that this is my battle let me fight it. I am the Commander, I don't need my lieutant to out rank me. Its makes me feel weak and then resentfull to my lieutant. S.O. starts again with DS and proceeds to take away cartoons and legos. This is where I get hot and take it out on my child telling him he better get dressed or he's going to get spanked, which I had warned earlier prior to S.O. getting involved. I'm not tough, it's not in me because I'm more patient, S.O. is unpatient and stubborn. I try to tell him in the best way possible to back off but S.O. takes it as I'm insulting him and that's not going to cut it because then it ends up being my fault and I become the target for his anger.

Lets look at the first problem. First off my first obligation is to my son, to protect, care for and love. My son has developed territory (me being his mother), anyone trying to step into his territory better expect retaliation, undertstandable. Take Male Lions for example, which works because they are both Leo's!!!

A male lion guards his territory as well as his lioness, cubs, etc. When another male lion enters the 1st lion's territory, the 1st sends out a warning roar letting him know, hey you better back off or face the consequences of your actions. If that doesn't work, then there is a battle that begins between both #1 & #2 for territory and lioness.

#1 Lion is my son, he has had his territory (me) for all his life. I have been his mother, father, sibling and best friend. When Lion #2 entered, things changed and Lion #1 felt he was being threaten and decided to be defensive.

I can't balance my two boys because they are not in the same league due to age differences, relationship to me and that they are both boys.

So to continue, I talk with DS and explain to him why he needs to get dressed and do as I say with no arguements, this conversation takes place in my car with no interruptions and distractions. After he understood to the best of his abilities I drop him off at school. Now remember, it is a known fact that in order for a child under the age of 5 to remember things, it takes repetitivness and patience. Not to mention he is only a child and I know it will only get more intense as he gets older.

So on my way to work I call S.O. and apologize for this morning followed by telling him that he needs to quit stepping on me in order to get his point across when punishing MY child. He then tells me that I was not doing anything and that DS was still sitting there not dressed. I know what my child does or thinks when he's like this and I know how to handle it. A child doesn't not force/punishment everytime he decides to act out in order to get something accomplished, hence "pick your battles". Just as adults have their bad days so do children! They are human not robots. So S.O.'s remark was "from now on I won't say anything anymore and I don't want to deal with this shit right now". I explained to him that if it was his child things would be different and I would step back because it is not my place to punish HIS child. Some how this psycology doesn't work on him or he just doesn't care.

I want him to understand that I don't want a person who only takes part in a child's life only to order him about or yell at him but never takes the time to actually PAY ATTENTION to the child. Negative always stands out more then positive because it's more emotionly intense; more positive and less negative. To mention again, Leo's going against Leo's is not a good combination... Walk away when you know you are getting mad that way you don't scare the child/person. Or you will have a problem on your hands...and it won't be the Lion #1.

Freelance Job Cover Letter How To

Step1

Address the letter to a specific person. If you don't know who handles the resumes, call the company to find the name and title of the person who is doing the hiring. If it is impossible to find the information, then begin the letter with "Dear Sir/Madam:" rather than "To Whom It May Concern."

Step2

Begin the first paragraph by introducing yourself and explaining which advertisement you are responding to. Be specific and included the date and name of the publication where you saw the ad and the position you are applying for.

Step3

Explain in the second paragraph why you are qualified for the job. Relate your past experience to the specific job requirements outlined in the ad.

Step4

Stress your ability to meet deadlines. As a freelance worker, the company has less control over your day-to-day work schedule and needs to have confidence that you will complete the job.

Step5

Make a bulleted list of the companies you have done similar freelance work for recently. If you are a freelance writer, list which publications have published your work in the past.
Step6Conclude with a paragraph clearly stating when you will follow up about a possible interview. Be sure to thank him/her for taking the time to look over your resume.

Hubpage

As of yesterday afternoon I became a hubber; posting useful information, humor stories and recipes of the day. I'm getting real into it and I hope in time that I will receive a lot of feed back from my work. It's a great way to get madd money at the end of the month, I do believe that you have to work pretty hard and post several times a week. So far I have 6 hubs with in a day and a half, which for me is really good since I'm doing all of them at work. Shssssh, don't tell know one.

Also, I applied to a freelancing job, blogging my online school experience. I haven't yet started but will in July, so cross your fingers for me that I get this opportunity.

One more request, pray I pass the math portion of the Accuplace Test I have to take in order to go to college.

Later Days

Thou Shal Not Get Wasted Again

A trip to Friday's for a quick bite and a beer or two turned into two beers, followed by a Amaretto Sour then one last beer to for the ride home back to the apartment to change for a bowling birthday party.

Honestly, you think I would have some kind of control with my age. Phfft!

At 8pm we arrived at Bowl O'Rama in Rowlett, while waiting for the other to arrive we decided to take a crack at playing air hockey, I said 'shit' out loud around little kids; real mature of me. Not only did I loose; I lost bad! 7 to 1 Robert...there went my trash talking skills out the door.

By the time everyone arrived and we had are names listed for the bowling lanes the Ole' Amaretto decided to pay a little visit by making me more incoherent.

I don't remember the ride home, I'll I know was that my pants were wet due to inappropriate use of beer on my crouch and fighting with Robert which lasted about a minute when I was told to go to bed. I was a Bad Girl!

The next day was followed by paying homage to the porcelain Gods and my Love's A&M Blanket covering my from the horrid sun.

It took 3 large sized Diet Coke's to make my headache and dehydration to disappear.

Never Again, or at least that drastic or soon.